Throughout the years when my husband worked full-time, I planted, raked, weeded, mowed, and cared for our garden. The only requests I recall from him were: a basketball hoop, open lawn area for volleyball, high jump, a zip line from a tree, and room to play ball. (I think he missed his calling as a recreational director!) I avoided planting rose bushes or precious plants in any of the play areas, and our backyard was the site of many a fun gatherings.
Other than those play areas, I had carte blanche when it came to placement of shrubs and flowers, paths, and a few birdhouses around the garden. I was the nurturer, pruner, and designer, but my husband was always happy to help, especially if he could rev up a power tool!
When my husband decided to retire, he began to stake his claim on the land. That is when I realized that we are totally different gardeners.
While I tend to have a more casual “controlled nonchalance” approach to gardening, I could see that he preferred more formal and linear design. I preferred to plant perennials for their long-lasting performance, while he bought flats of annuals for the different seasons. He liked the boldness of a huge sunflower, and I delighted in the serendipity discovery of a miniature crocus. While he researched topiaries and knot gardens, I protected our shrubs from being whittled into little puffs. While I planted bulbs in drifts and curved lines, he planted straight rows of pansies and snapdragons. While I can wait patiently for seeds to pop up, he wants to see quick results.
His question was initially, “If a little fertilizer is good, why shouldn’t a bit more help things grow faster?” While he would prefer to put everything on an irrigation system, I am happy to spend a bit of quiet time in the mornings spraying the garden or flowerpots. I like to create little tuck-away seating areas around the garden, hidden spaces where friends can sit-a-bit for a good conversation. He wants the bushes pruned back, so he can have distant vistas into the backyard. In order to leave food for the butterflies, birds, and bees, I leave seed pods during the winter. He likes to have things neat and tidy.
Do you catch my drift? It has been quite an adjustment to have him suddenly so interested in the garden!
We have discovered that, even with different approaches in the garden, we both delight in what the garden brings to our lives.
We both believe in composting, and encourage worms to work the soils for us. We love to watch the birds that visit along their migration route and make nests in our birdhouses in the spring. In the dusk of the day, we watch bats do their aerobatics, and in the dawn of the day we watch hummingbirds hover over favorite flowers.
I have talked with so many other gardeners who jockey for soil with their spouses, and I find that there are many solutions.
As it is in so many things in life, there must be room for all kinds of gardeners. There are some who won’t stand for a leaf to fall on their driveways, others who want only trees and turf, and several gardeners who scoff at “just flower gardens” and won’t grow anything they can’t eat.
So, is it possible to avoid “turf wars” when there are 2 gardeners in a family? I think so.
I believe compromise is possible in the garden and my husband and I delight that our conversations now dwell on plants and nature and space and leisure instead of schedules and time conflicts and stress and pressure. Still some home gardeners think that there should be more community gardens, so he can go get his own space.
Peg Sullivan is part of the Tulare-Kings Master Gardener Program. Call 582-3211, ext. 2736, e-mail
cekings@davis.edu or write UC Cooperative Extension Master Gardeners, 680 N. Campus Drive, Suite A, Hanford, CA 93230.
(March 7, 2007)
