James Blackwell remembers back in 1992, all his friends were using meth. And though he resisted using it at first, he finally gave in and tried it. Too scared to smoke it, he mixed it in a glass with Kool-Aid and drank it.

He said after the initial effects of eye tearing and chemical taste went away, he felt happy, energetic and problem-free.

"I was up and I was happy and I was talking a lot and walking all over town with my buddies, having a good ol' time," Blackwell said. "It was unbelievable. I just had fun, I had a blast."

But then, after the rush subsided, he remembers feeling angry, tired, short-tempered.

Though he used meth for the next 15 years, he said he wanted to quit after 10 years.

"After 10 years, I started to see I wasn't going anywhere, I didn't accomplish anything," he said.

Because of his meth use, he lost jobs, relationships, cars and was homeless for a time. He was arrested numerous times, spent three years in prison and almost lost his daughter, Emma, to Kings County Child Protective Services.

"I had my daughter, I always wanted to provide for her and here I am just worrying how to get myself high," he said.

In May 2005, Blackwell was arrested for check forgery. He spent three months at Wasco State Prison Reception Center before being sent to California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility and State Prison at Corcoran to begin serving his three-year sentence.

While in prison, he learned his daughter, then 20 months old, had been placed in CPS custody after her mother had tested positive for meth.

It was in SATF that he began getting to see his daughter again. CPS social workers brought Emma to SATF for monthly visits.

"The reason it's so easy for me to kick meth is that it came between me and my daughter," Blackwell said. "I missed a year and a half of her life. Having to go through not hearing from her, not being around her."

Blackwell has remained sober since May 12, 2005.

He completed a year and a half in prison and four months in an inpatient drug treatment furlough in Fresno. He also spent six months in a sober living house in Visalia.

Since quitting meth, he's begun getting his life back on track.

He is on his way to getting joint custody of his daughter.

He's currently working in grounds maintenance at Lemoore Naval Air Station.

Though he's still on parole, there's a chance he may get an early discharge from parole for good behavior.

He serves on the Kings County Behavioral Health and Advisory Board, which provides insight on county services, and has been a member of a panel on addiction for a college social science class.

Blackwell is hopeful about his future.

"I'm not discouraged any," he said. "It seems like anything's possible. It's bright and it's getting brighter as the days go on."

The reporter can be reached at 582-0471, ext. 3052.

(Sept. 23, 2007)