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Forget Halloween, let’s whoop it up on Guy Fawkes Day!

Bah, humbug... (Oops, sorry, wrong holiday). I hate Halloween. Not because I once was scared out of my wits by a pillow-case-wearing 5-year-old, but because ... well ... I believe it teaches our children to beg.

I know, it's a tradition, and kids all over the country look forward to it each year, blah, blah, blah, but is it entirely necessary to spend upwards of $20 on a costume that they'll wear for two hours and that will fall apart the very next day? What about the three days they have to stay in bed because Captain Jack Sparrow and the Princess caught a nasty cold?

And what about the money we spend on our kids' teeth? Do we really want them loading up on sticky, sugary candy? And what's with the yummy chocolate anyway? Don't they know I'm on a diet??

Of course the reason I dislike Halloween could be because I didn't grow up in this country; ah, we had way more interesting traditions at this time of year.

This coming Monday, Nov. 5, I should be burning the effigy of a man at the stake, and eating a potato baked in his ashes. No, it's not the latest Sims game, or a new form of girl power -- it's Guy Fawkes Day.

In England, that's the day all the children look forward to. They get their hands on some of Dad's old trousers and shirts, and stuff them with straw, paper, or anything else highly combustible. OK, they do their fair share of begging -- pulling the "Guy" around in a wagon and asking for donations to buy fireworks. Yes, fireworks. And it's not even July.

But wait, there's more. On Guy Fawkes Day -- actually, Night -- the Guy is propped up on a large bonfire (a la Burning Man in the Nevada desert) and set on fire. Fireworks are let off, and all the kiddies rejoice with glee as Guy ends up in a pile of ashes, just perfect for roasting potatoes.

Ah, the good old days of my childhood! (Rather than just a barbaric ritual, there is a certain amount of historical significance to this carnage. I'll leave it up to you folks to Google it; just suffice it to say it's something to do with the Houses of Parliament and a gunpowder plot.)

So while the little ghouls, ghosties and princesses traipse through the cold, foggy streets tonight, I'll be sitting quietly in my house, lights off, doors locked, TV volume turned down low, hoping and praying that no one comes a-trick-or-treating.

I know, bah humbug. But stop by my house on Monday, and you can share in the fun. I'll even provide the potatoes.

(Oct. 31, 2007)

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The following are comments from the readers. In no way do they represent the views of the Hanford Sentinel

Mag. wrote on Oct 31, 2007 2:10 PM:

" Hey that's pretty funny! I have never had trick or treaters at my house, and I too gladly turn off the lights, lock the doors, and watch tv. But, going house to house asking for tricks or treats is tradition for little kids. (I personally would just buy my own candy.) My favorite is in Grumpy Old Men, Walter Matthau gives out Tide samples and a stapler. Letterman says you can always substitute boullion cubes for candy! Ah yes, we've lost our originality and I haven't heard of anyone who hands out "tricks" in ages. That's no fun! "

Scott Tucker wrote on Oct 31, 2007 4:29 PM:

" Jackie, I liked the article. Reminded me of one of my trips to Exeter (Devon County, not Tulare County) which coincided with the holiday. (Are you sure referencing Guy Fawkes in this forum is safe? It might give some of our government loving bloggers the wrong idea! ) ;-) You probably get asked regularly to explain things like Guy Fawkes Day and Bank Holidays. Today I was asked by three people to explain the significance of Halloween! In a week or so, we will be celebrating the Räbeliechtliumzug here in Switzerland (it is related to Halloween. You can google it for pictures), so I am looking forward to that. "

Jackie K. wrote on Oct 31, 2007 6:32 PM:

" Thanks, Scott. Have fun on YOUR special day! I agree, it is fun explaining a different country's holidays. I can't tell you the number of people who want to come watch the fights with me on Boxing Day! LOL "

happy beggar wrote on Nov 1, 2007 12:58 PM:

" It's still begging though - you go door to door asking "A penny for the Guy?" But you're right. In my neighborhood parents also show up with sacks expecting candy - I don't give candy to adults. And no one says "trick or treat" anymore. When I was a kid - we canvased our OWN neighborhood and houses of family and friends. We did not show up across town at Stonecrest in a van. "

Alan G. wrote on Nov 1, 2007 8:02 PM:

" What could be more fun than burning effigies AND baking potatoes? I'm going to take it a step further and buy my whole family those novelty "Billy Bob" teeth so we can all sport some true British smiles. I tease because I love, Jackie. ;0) "

Devil's Advocate wrote on Nov 2, 2007 10:37 AM:

" I hear Guy Fawkes getting mentioned more and more nowadays - not even at this time of year. I wonder why that is? Sounds like a lot of fun though. "

Not so Mad in Nevada at the moment wrote on Nov 2, 2007 3:30 PM:

" I was going to ask if that was like "Burning Man" but as I read on you answered that. That does sound like fun. I was just telling my friend how the candy around here was driving me crazy. I think it's fun to celebrate other holidays that don't get a lot of attention here. Halloween is ok, but I am way big on St. Patrick's Day and I don't think it gets the attention it deserves. We go all out on that day. Too bad I don't live closer. I would come by for a potato. :) "

ALEJANDRO wrote on Nov 2, 2007 5:04 PM:

" I saw the "V for Vendetta" movie which shows the Brits and Guy Fawkes in an exciting light. But all this attention is getting too much: lets stop Fawking around and move on! (sorry for another silly attempt at blog humor) "

are you kidding? wrote on Nov 3, 2007 6:02 PM:

" Let the kids have one night, dress up and get candy. If you dont think the suger is good for them then treat them with other items and dont give them soda pop ect. or go to a church event. O and please stay in your own subdivision. people dont like when 50 vans show with 10 kids and adults running to the door for candy. Except the ones who live out in the country they are ok. And how many of you have went door to door to trick or treat? "

Not so mad in Nevada at the moment wrote on Nov 4, 2007 1:07 AM:

" To "are you kidding" I was actually deprived of getting to go trick or treating. My mom didn't like it so, if she didn't like it we couldn't like it either. We live in the country now so we usually go to a church activity or we have this thing called Trick or Treat Street that is held at the convention center and put on by PAL(Police Atheltic League) as a funraiser for city sports and the kids can be safe and warm because it is usually snowing on Halloween here. "

hater of halloween wrote on Nov 4, 2007 1:09 PM:

" Im with Scott. I hate Halloween. All of that crap we hand out just fosters America's obesity problem. I never thought I'd say this but next year I'm handing out fruit. "

Not so mad in Nevada at the moment wrote on Nov 4, 2007 9:53 PM:

" To- Hater of Halloween are you going to pass out pomegranates? I really miss the big giant ones that we had when I lived in that area. The ones that you get here at the store always cost way too much and are squishy. (gross!) Just a thought anyway. And don't even get me started on the factors of why today's children are overweight. :) "

Scott Tucker wrote on Nov 5, 2007 6:16 AM:

" Dear "hater of halloween", I don't hate Halloween. It is actually one of the more interesting holidays during the year. Apart from the candy and sweets, I find the significance of Halloween in the celtic/christian calendars fascinating. Good luck handing out fruit next year. You should go with over-ripe bananas and avocados. "

Alan G. wrote on Nov 5, 2007 7:16 PM:

" Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!!! "

Mary nLemoore wrote on Nov 7, 2007 12:26 PM:

" It rains WAY more in Britan than it does here in the desert valley. I have visions of grass fires started by "Guys" in flames (sounds like a great name for a rock band). I'd rather stick to the American tradition of Halloween until someone starts handing out flaming Snickers. That wasn't a suggestion for you sour pusses. I love handing out candy to anyone who shows at my door-- its one day a year. Whoop it up! "

Mag wrote on Nov 7, 2007 7:38 PM:

" OK, next year I'm going to hand out soup or rice pudding. "

ALEJANDRO wrote on Nov 8, 2007 3:46 PM:

" More like bangers and beans, eh Jackie? "

to: Happy Beggar wrote on Nov 8, 2007 3:54 PM:

" Those same vans hit our neighborhood (Simas Elem.) as well. You could tell they meant business by having pillow cases instead of cute bags and they even brough relief carriers to haul away the loot when it became too heavy! This year was the first time I did not give candy to infants either being carried by arm or pushed in a stroller. You'd have thought I'd just shot the family dog by the adult reaction. Of course these are the same people that believe they're entitled to everything under the sun. I do believe next year the neighbor kids will get an extra nice goodie bag hand delivered and everyone else can go home to their own neighborhood. "

sweetness wrote on Nov 8, 2007 6:40 PM:

" Remember, remember the fifth of November Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder, treason Should ever be forgot... Happy belated Halloween & Guy Fawkes Day!!! Celebrate them both!!! And see the movie "V for Vendetta" - It is the most interesting, subversive, and important film I've seen in a long time. "

HEY NEVADA wrote on Nov 8, 2007 8:12 PM:

" WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? WHEN DOES IT SNOW IN HANFORD ON OCT.31? AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR PROBLEMS, DONT MAKE MORE FOR KIDS. LET THEM HAVE FUN WHERE EVER IT MAY BE.........I AM SORRY YOU MOTHER WAS A HORRIBLE PERSON BUT NOW YOU CAN CANGE THE PATTERN. THINK ABOUT IT.... "

Not so mad in Nevada the moment wrote on Nov 9, 2007 9:32 PM:

" To "Hey Nevada" I didn't say it snowed in Hanford on Halloween. It snows here in Nevada on Halloween (which is where I live now) And I did change the pattern- that's why my kids get to go trick or treating... just because it may not be in our neighborhood because the houses are too far away from each other, they still get to have fun. "

ALEJANDRO wrote on Nov 13, 2007 7:22 PM:

" Wasn't Guy Fawkes a Terrorist? A big one, in his day? And this is celebrated? Just wondering... "




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