Village Idiot--The perfect turkey: ham

Soon you'll start to see a spate of shows, columns and magazine stories that will tell you how to make the "perfect turkey" for the holiday. You can roast it in a paper bag, you can bake it upside down, you can deep-fry it, you can put it on a rotisserie, you can smother it in mustard, blacken it, debone it and cook just the pieces, you can invite Kenny Rogers over, you can stuff it with bread, rice, oysters, onions, mushrooms, squash or a duck and a chicken. Or don't stuff it at all. I have no quibble with that. I have enjoyed turkey almost every possible way there is to prepare one. The thing that bothers me is that they all want you to be "perfect."